Emily Larger, aka Blades, is climbing to the top. Another example of the front-desk-to-instructor transition. Wonder why people are stressing like cray in order to land that coveted front desk position...(I hear audition tapes are now required?) No, she's not painted with a collage of tattoos, living in sweats and a skull-covered bandana, or putting her shoes on 5 minutes late. But she's a true Soulbie, through and through.
Before class started, Emily was chatting it up with two friends outside one of the bathrooms. She tugged at the door, lamenting that she wouldn't be able to pee before she taught. One friend goes, "OMG can you imagine if you peed on the bike and then RateYourBurn wrote about it??" Ha. Ha. Ha.
1. When will you guys learn we are government-trained spies and hear/see
2. I prob wouldn't even notice if she took a leak on the bike. With the amount of
liquid that accumulated under my own bike, a bystander might have
concluded that I was in fact the bladder-happy rider.
Top 5 reasons Emily is a top instructor:
1. She helps with your form. She actually got off the platform and approached
individuals to adjust their form. Not, however, in a “Hi I’m better than you/you
suck at this” type of way, in a “there ya go; you’re ON it” way. I saw her help
someone bring her hips further back over the saddle, lighten up on the
handlebars, relax the shoulders, suck in the belly.
2. She’s a nice person who does not appear to be obsessed with stardom.
When class ended, she didn’t B-line outta there (even though she never got to
go to the restroom before class). She stayed to chat with all the new people,
and asked how they enjoyed the ride. I’m sure they loved it (until tomorrow,
when it may feel like they were sexually assaulted...gotta love the first time
spinning experience where your ass throbs for days.) Plus, she comes from
good people. Her mama even donated a kidney to save a stranger's life. I
would do that too, except that it means you can't work out for three weeks.
Please don't ask me how I know all of this creepily detailed info.
3. She connects with you on the bike. Motivational, but not in a contrived way.
Example: in her community ride she told the crowd, “Skinny people look hot
with clothes on, but FIT people look hot naked!” Everyone went buck wild.
4. Her class is hella fun. Music is varied and includes some great mixes. She
times the isolations and push-ups perfectly with the beat, and also plays with
the lighting a lot to make it feel like a show. Like... a music video with Usher, and maybe you’re that hot mama with an ass shelf he's fawning over. Maybe.
5. Her class is hard. She's on her way to teaching one of the tougher classes at Soul. She does some speedy McGee songs where I'm all like "where my inhaler at". That's cool though, I like to work hard so I can be like Blades and go to Shake Shack after class.
Don’t this make my people wanna JUMP JUMP:
- Jumps, redefined: One song had us doing jumps for counts of four, then two,
then up for a long sprint, then down for 10 seconds, then jumps again. I couldn’t
feel anything from the chin down after jump 30. I would have yelled out in
protest, but I couldn’t breathe/let alone formulate words.
Speaking of yelling.
There was apparently a beastie gorilla somewhere in the room (I mean, other than me) who let out a mountain lion/Jurassic Park groan at one point in class. It lasted nearly 8 seconds. I made prolonged eye contact with several strangers wondering what the f was happening.
On the hills, she told us to "add as much resistance as your goals were worthy of." AKA, being lazy = feeling guilty. I think she got this trick from my mother.
One tip for Emily:
She was silent for a while on the thick hill. Thing is, I need to be a little spoon-fed sometimes. Please direct my brain to productive thoughts or I will zone out and fantasize about cheeseburgers.
Just take it.
I know. You don't want to stray from your favorite to try a newbie. But that's why we're here to play test rat. You're welcome.